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Reeee-run!

With this week being full of re-runs on TV, I thought I'd re-run one of the columns I wrote last year for the McGill Tribune... thought it was still "timely" given the recent events surrounding Michael Jackson... lemme know whatcha think!

Main Street
Tim Chan

I don’t get it. What is it with all these people trying to be somebody they’re not? Posers. Wannabes. Fakes. Like the time I overheard the girl sitting behind me in class use phrases like, “my sista, that is wack!" and, not even kidding you, “jigga what?!” only to turn around and find myself staring at the whitest girl this side of Hicksville. Turn on any radio or music video station these days and you'll hear the "R&B" stylings of Justin (Swapped curls for cornrows) Timberlake and Shawn (I’m ghetto like Vanilla Ice) Desman blazing up the charts. Sure their music's catchy, but when they're singing about the "ice around their necks" and "getting shook," it just sounds well, wrong. The only "ice" that Justin saw growing up was from working the drinks at Denny's. And I'm sure Shawn's been "shook" – shook and beat-up by the gang he stole his moves from. Shawn’s real last name is Fernandez, but he changed it to Desman, hoping to distinguish himself from the rash of Latino artists out there by giving his name some street cred. Now I don’t know what street he got “Desman” from, but it sure ain’t the Bronx, that’s for sure. And is it just me, or do all aspiring hip-hop/R&B artists credit Michael Jackson as their inspiration? Pretty ironic how the white guys are trying to go black, while their "American Idol" is becoming increasingly white. But enough about Wacko Jacko… he’s been getting enough flack from his recent 20/20 television special, whose shock value topped even that of R. Kelly’s collection of home movies. But maybe the public has been too harsh on MJ. I mean, just because he admitted to having two nose jobs, snatching his newborn – placenta still attached - right after birth and sleeping with thirteen-year old boys in his bedroom, does not mean he’s crazy! Right… this totally makes Mariah Carey look normal.

I have to admit, I didn’t really understand what the girl sitting behind me was talking about. I’ve never really understood the hip-hop lingo. The first time I heard J. Lo sing about her “Escalade”, I actually thought she was talking about an escalator. And last week, when a friend of mine asked me if he could “cop” a ride, I swear I thought I was being arrested. (Not that I would have any reason to be arrested…) Perhaps it’s just me. Maybe it’s because I am an unassuming Chinese boy from middle-class Toronto who’s first exposure to popular music was the unfortunate dance beats of Fun Factory and Haddaway. And over the years, my only experience with Black culture has consisted of watching NBA Inside Stuff on Saturday mornings and the occasional Jamaican beef patty for lunch… except that it was bought from Loblaws. Up until a few years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to tell an Ashanti from Saraswati, the Hindu goddess of speech, wisdom and learning. So maybe Justin Timberlake and Shawn Desman are hip-hop and R&B and I just don’t know any better. Maybe they’re not so phony after all. Because in the end, who says R&B singers have to be Black anyway? As Micheal Jackson sang himself, “it don’t matter if you’re black or white” to be a successful R&B star. You just have to love children.

posted by Tim at 2:54 PM