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Check this out guys - It's a MADE-UP (read: FAKE) press release about Destiny's Child. It was written by a fan on their message board and again, it's FAKE (so no rumours starting please!) but I found it really funny:

Kelly seeks help from Beyonce on new Solo LP

Kelly Rowland’s last Solo effort, “Simply Deep” was a big flop compared to her band mates hugely successful “Dangerousy In Love”, so In order to make sure her next solo album Is a success, Kelly has asked Beyonce to lend her vocals on the new LP.

“It’s true, Beyonce is going to be featured on Kelly Rowlands next album,” said Mathew Knowles in a press release today. “We figured that if Beyonce was on it, then it will sell more, so Beyonce is going to be the lead singer on Kelly’s solo LP,” Mathew added.

For those of you scratching your heads, you are not alone. Many are confused by the statement that Mathew gave out today, so Mathew has replied to all the questions.

“I know many of you are wondering what’s going to be the difference between Kelly’s solo album and a regular Destinys Child album since Beyonce is going to be on it,” Mathew stated. “But there’s a big difference. On a regular Destinys Child album, Kelly only sings 10 second solo verses. On Kelly’s solo LP, she won’t be singing at all!” Mathew added.

Although Mathew did note that there was one small similarity: "Okay you got me, there is one thing both "Destiny Fulfilled" and Kelly's new album will have in common, Michelle isn't on them," he added.

The album, titled “Kelly Rowland: Beyonce’s Touch” is scheduled to hit stores this spring, and will only feature Kelly Rowland on background vocals.

“I am so honored to be the lead singer on Kelly’s solo album,” said Beyonce Knowles in a brief statement. “I promise to do what I always do best on the songs that I am on, make them mine,” she added.

While no one knows what are Kelly’s actual opinion on this matter, many are concerned that this was just something done by Mathew Knowles in order to further his daughters hot solo career. But Mathew dismisses those accusations as well.

“It’s so silly to think what we are doing is unfair,” Mathew said. “In fact, I knew people would accuse me of this, so that is why two different versions of the albums will be released,” Mathew added. “The original version, titled ‘Kelly Rowland: Beyonce’s Touch’ will be released as planned, but there will also be a second limited edition of the album, titled ‘Kelly Rowland: Beyonce’s Touch (The Kelly Remixes)’ which is the same as the original album but will not include Beyonce’s vocals. All it will include is the musical instruments and Kelly’s background vocals.” Mathew added. “And because of that, we figured that no one would want to buy an album with no vocals on it, so that’s why that version of the album will only be available on sale for the first 30 minutes the album hits stores, and then they will automatically be taken away. We will be shipping about 50 copies of that album nationwide”.

Mathew was also concerned for those Beyonce fans who think it’s unfair that Kelly will get to have her own vocal-less remix version of her album, so Beyonce will end up releasing a 3rd version of that album later on. “In order to keep things fair, Beyonce will have to release a limited edition of Kelly Rowlands Remix album as well. It will be titled ‘Kelly Rowland: Beyonce’s Touch (The Kelly Remixes, Beyonce Style)’ and it will be a whole new album with new songs and new vocals by Beyonce,” added Mathew. “That should hit stores sometime this summer”.

Some are stating that Mathew is being unfair and that there is no point in making this a Kelly Rowland Solo LP and it should just be counted as Beyonce’s next Solo Album, but Mathew doesn’t think so.

“This can’t be counted as Beyonce’s Second Solo LP, because she will be releasing her second Solo LP this Fall!” Mathew added. “She can’t release an album every 3 months, now look who’s being unfair!” Mathew added.

>> Funny stuff eh? But what does everybody gotta be hatin' on Michelle?! MuchMusic has a viewers' poll asking "what's the best useless musical accessory?" and the options were a) Ashlee Simpson's "microphone," b) Kevin Federline or c) Michelle Williams of Destiny's Child. Soooo mean! I like Michelle and I appreciate her diva-less attitude and soulful spirit! So there!

=)
posted by Tim at 10:19 PM