Recaps, commentary, highlights of your pop culture favourites and mine! Email me: timmybopper@yahoo.com

 
You Shall have no Idols before Canadian Idol

I am so cool! I just spent two hours at a Canadian Idol taping surrounded by screaming ten year old girls and their mothers. Boy did I have a good time! (wait.. that sounded really wrong...)

The night could not have started out more wrong. I had given myself an hour to get downtown (normally a very acceptable time window) but unfortunately for ME, someone had a terrible car accident and clogged up the highway! Can you believe it? Of all the days to get in a pile-up they choose the day that I'm rushing to get to Canadian Idol! If I ever find out who was involved in the accident, they are SO dead!..... unless they already are.

ANYway... I finally make it downtown and head into the Metro Toronto Convention Centre when Canadian Idol is filmed. I don't know who was more nervous - me (ready for my closeup on national television) or the performers. Judging by how sweaty my palms were and the fact that I was literally trembling with excitment, I'd say it was me.

Unfortunately for my career (and my ego), our tickets were for three seats in the back corner. None of the TV cameras filmed there. I tried to reach over and stick my hand into one of the shots, but all I got was a dirty look from the 70 year old grandma who I pushed out of the way to get at the camera. What?!

As for the actual show - Jacob is a freak! But such a funny, clever and endearing one! I could not believe he put on his Justin Hawkins outfit and had the balls to sing David Bowie of all people. While we're on the subject, did you notice how he kept his hand uncomfortably in front of his crotch the whole time after? He's got balls I'm tellin' you.

I liked Elena and Theresa, but Kalen, Kalan, Kalin. I don't know how the heck to spell his name but this guy is the real deal. "He's such a pretty boy," commented my friend Monica, who on a related note decided to randomly yell "BENNNN!" and "YEAHHH!" on more than one occasion. The thing about Kalen is that he's a reluctant superhero. He's shy, not cocky; unassuming, not made-up. But he's got such a pure voice and he lets that do the talking. (Plus according to my other friend Emily, "he's got such beautiful eyes and long lashes! Yum!") Kalen is going to be the Canadian Idol.

The rest of the show was good, but not as good as last week's edition. Kaleb the Black is not that good but for some reason, the judges keep praising him. I don't like how he keeps doing the runs. And his face looks like he's got the runs. I suspect that the judges are afraid to diss the only Black person in the top 10 and so they keep resorting to the "you're soulful" line, which if you think about it, is in itself such a stereotypically "Black" line to use. I'm still waiting for Farley to pull out a "big up my nigga" or something really ghetto like that.

The most exciting part of the show was after the show itself was over. Emily and I said goodbye to Monica at the exit and then somehow made our way back into the theatre to try and get pictures/autographs with the Idols. This was also about the same time that I gave up trying to pretend I was cool. After seeing the huge crowd of kids lined up for autographs, I decided to just stand to the side and let Emily get at the Idols herself. Let's just say when Emily wants a picture with her "sweetheart" Kalen Porter she doesn't care who the heck is in her way! Let's also just say that there were a lot of little kids pushed to the ground with bruises on their face.

Joshua (I straightened my hair) Sellers was there too but no one noticed him so he took to hanging around Kalen's fans convincing himself that they were also there to talk to him. He did the whole "look around and wave to see who wants your autograph" bit followed by the "act cool and smile even though no one wants your autograph" bit. Josh then heard some screaming and decided that his "fans" wanted to hear about his hairstyle and his outfit and his performance. But he soon realized that the girls were not screaming for his attention, but rather screaming for him to get the heck out of the way so they could keep looking at Kalen. (Trust me, it's hard to describe but Joshua Sellers came across REALLY cocky!) Josh's dad was overheard trying to sell off his son's autograph on ebay. These people have had less than ten minutes of airtime and they already think they're stars.

I tried getting a picture with Elena Juatco, if only to please my Filipino nanny, but some disabled kid in a wheelchair was totally blocking the whole line! Retard! I just about tripped when he started backing his wheelchair up. I swear I could've fallen and not been able to walk for like a whole week! Of course the CTV producers were more than happy to get him autographs from whoever he wanted. He is so lucky he's crippled!

As Em and I were leaving we spotted Shane Wiebe standing by himself in a corner without much fanfare. Having spent the show sitting in a corner without a camera on me, I felt his pain. So we decided to feign a "good job tonight" and take a picture with him. I'm pretty excited about that because if Shane wins Canadian Idol I can say I took a picture with him! Okay, that's so mean. He's totally not gonna win.

So that's the recap of my night. Thanks to Monica and Emily for coming with me. No thanks to the cameraman who failed to notice my television-ready face and outfit. And no thanks to the fat black woman wearing the moo-moo who blocked my view the entire show. My prediction? Manoah is going home tomorrow night. Sweet dreams.


posted by Tim at 11:05 PM