Recaps, commentary, highlights of your pop culture favourites and mine! Email me: timmybopper@yahoo.com

 
Here's a funny skit I found on a message board about Solange (a.k.a. less famous and less successful sister of Beyonce) and her marriage (a.k.a. pregnancy cover-up!) =p

Featuring: Solange and the Knowles Crew, Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams and Daniel Smith (Solange's "husband")

Solange: [crying] Daddy, I am pregnant.
Mathew: What do you mean, Honey bunches of Solo?
Solange: It means I got knocked up, Daddy.
Mathew: Well then, I'll be darned if this gonna happen! What are you gonna do?
Solange: I really don't know.
[Beyonce enters]
Beyonce: Praise the Lawd for this year's been great!
Mathew: Beyonce, your sister is pregnant.
Beyonce: Oh.
Mathew: Solange, with whom did you copulate?
Solange: I did it with Daniel Smith.
Beyonc: The boy that is stupider than a box of rocks?
Solange: Not funny Bee!
[Kelly and Michelle enter]
Kelly: What's the schpeel?
Mathew: Solange is getting married.
Solange: I don't wanna get married to him. Daddy?.
Mathew: Hold on, you're getting married to him golden grahams. It would cover up the pregnancy plus it might spike CD sales. Who knows you might hit gold.
Solange: It is all about you and those CD sales. I mean why don't you do that to Michelle? She sold less than I did!
Mathew: Way ahead of you darling. I planted that seed yesterday along with your marriage.
Solange: How did you know I was pregnant?
Michelle: You know Mathew has eyes on the back of his head.
Tina: Now Solange. We are good at covering things up. Listen to your daddy. We have managed to make the public think that Beyonce didn't kick out La Toya and Latavia and Farrah. I mean that when Beyonce gets mad she just blames it on Sasha, her imaginary fr- [interrupted]
Beyonce: I came up with that one on my own.
Tina: Being a Knowles is tough. But we have an image to keep. I know that Daniel is not that intellectually stimulating but at least he is not that ugly. On the other hand Beyonce's - - [interrupted]
Beyonce: Don't start with me momma.
[Daniel enters]
Daniel: Solange I have been trying to call you for days.
Solange: About what?
Daniel: You know.
Solange: They know too. You are so stupid, get out of my face.
Daniel: Hey, Momma says stupid is stupid does. And dates are like a box of life and you don't know which one is going to suck.
[Solange crying hysterically]
Tina: Kelly take Solange to the foyer.
Kelly: Ok Madam.
[Solange exists]
Mathew: You got my daughter pregnant. Now you must take her hand in marriage.
Daniel: I think that it is a little soon. I haven't gotten to fulfill my dreams.
Michelle: Hold on Mister you did the deed, you handle the weed!
Beyonce: Fa shinky!
Mathew: Everything is already set and ready for the commercial wedding and all you need to do is go along for the ride. Capiche?
Tina: Just do as we say and everything will be fine.
Daniel: Ok.
[Mathew and Daniel exist]
Beyonce: I can't believe that I am not married before her.
Michelle: Beyonce, not everything that's happening is all about you!
Beyonce: What did you just say to me Michelle? (angry)
Michelle: I am not even going to start with you. I am bouncing out of this piece. Bye!
[Michelle exists]
Tina: [to Beyonce] Come and help me make the dresses for Solange's wedding. After that we can start planning on coordinating Michelle's "exit."
Beyonce: Shack tuba laly. Thank you JE-SUS! Let's do it!
Tina: Girl, you strange.
Beyonce: That wasn't me, it was Sasha.
[Tina and Beyonce exit laughing]


posted by Tim at 6:39 PM