Recaps, commentary, highlights of your pop culture favourites and mine! Email me: timmybopper@yahoo.com

 
Rule #1: Simon is always right
Rule #2: If Simon is wrong, see rule #1

What a mean mean way to start off the show - Force the contestants to stand in front of the judges, get complimented and then get told that they aren't even going to sing a note. (It's like an old Miss Hong Kong pageant where the girls had to line up one by one in front of the audience and press a button that said "GO" or "EXIT" and then mimic some sort of gracious loser face as they walked off into this dark runway).

But poor poor Lisa Leuschner. She deserved to be one of the wild cards. At least over Elizabeth (my last name is pronounced "Le Tender") LeTendre. I dunno if it was her non-French surname or her tire sreeching voice, but there was nothing special about her at all! And the first guy? Pen salesman? What was THAT about? I had to switch channels during his "routine" because his "dancing" was so, so... absurd. [I had a lecture on the theatre of the absurd today so I feel quite legitimized in saying this]. He's like someone who got a little too drunk and took the stage to dance, but not even at like a fancy club or something. He's like someone who got drunk and took the stage at Peel Pub. As for Leah (I changed my last name from un-pronounceable Hungarian word to) Labelle... I've never been high or stoned, but I'm pretty sure that's how people look like when they're on drugs. Did she not look like an Eastern European Courtney Love?

And Matthew Metzger. He's just sad, really. Paula managed to squeeze a "I like your smile" compliment out of his performance and he proceeded to flash the largest, toothiest, cheesiest smile this side of Miss America. And why do girls find scruffy guys so attractive anyway? Last time I didn't wash my hair for days, went unshaven, worn ragged clothes and tried to flash a smile at a girl, I almost got arrested for indecent exposure. But hey, I guess there's no such thing as indecent exposure on American Idol eh? Just ask Ryan Seacrest.

My picks:
1. Jennifer Hudson (Have I mentioned how cool I find fat black girls with fashion sense and attitude? She'd be cooler if she had one of those names like uh... Shaniqua or something though...)
2. Suzy Vulaca
3. Katie Webber (She IS pretty... pretty ugly without makeup on! Did you see her during her little profile part? It's like that episode of Diary: Christina Aguilera when Christina was waiting to get her makeup done and I swore there was a decomposing body of an 80 year old granny in the makeup chair... and then I realized it was just xxx-tina without makeup on)
4. Fine... I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll pick George!


posted by Tim at 9:52 PM