Recaps, commentary, highlights of your pop culture favourites and mine! Email me: timmybopper@yahoo.com

 
Anatomy of a Reality TV-watching Night:

7:50 - Sorry Gerry (who's just called long-distance from Ottawa)... uh huh, whatever, right... listen, I have to go! It's an emergency! Canadian Idol starts in less than 10 minutes!

8:05 - Canadian Idol's Motown night - the Temptations hit the stage... the who? These guys aren't dead yet? Geez...

8:10 - Jenny Gear (shudder)... She's not dead yet? Geez... Can she not just sing normally? Like close up that honking mouth and stop twitching those eyes Jose Canseco! I swear this girl's got down syndrome or something cuz this is just not right... Shut up Jenny! Shut up!

8:20 - Bonjour Audrey! (drool)... She's singing "Mercy Me" which sounds a lot like "What's Going On" by Marvin Gaye... perhaps it is but Audrey's lack of English has completely changed the words? Doesn't matter, she can sing whatever she wants cuz she's Audrey! (drool)

8:40 - Diva in training Toya hits the stage. Wow, she hit those Mariah notes... not bad. But I liked it better when Ryan Starr sang this song in American Idol 1. She was WAY better to look at than Toya (I'm gonna be a "BIG" star) Alexis. Meanwhile, a very Beyonce streak emerges when Toya starts talking about her family... hmm, it'll be interesting to see if she starts hogging the spotlight and pushing the other contestants aside during the group sing-along... "Toya, I dare Canada not to know what that was!" shouts Zack... um... I don't know what that was Zack... Anyone?

8:55 - Something is being said about Ben Mulroney's underwear? He acts embarrassed but I bet he wrote that line himself to boost his "heart-throb" status...

9:00 - A "bleh" Canadian Idol over... and For Love or Money 2 begins... Tonight's the night Rob (who Erin chose $ over in the first series) returns! Oooo...

9:01 - Shoot.. Paradise Hotel is on at the same time! And what's this? Charla's finally getting some tonight? What to watch? What to watch?!

Follow carefully people, it gets channel-switchy over here...
9:05 - Amy is such a bitch. Stop yelling at Keith like that. This is so childish... Yeah well I'm better! No I am! No you're not! Uh huh! Nuh-uh! I'm not gonna be your best friend anymore! Fine! Fine! (Wow.. great television people. I'm telling you.)

9:25 - Eric (For Love or $) is so creepy... he's like just standing there making shifty eyes at the other guys... and look at him tapping his fingers together like he's hatching some sort of scheme... Don't pick him Erin! (And where's the much-hyped "Return of Rob?" The show's halfway done!)

9:50 - She picked Eric. Maybe she sees something in him that we don't? Like a clueless asshole dim-wit who'd pick her over the money? No, we see that. (And where's the much-hyped "Return of Rob?" The show's ten minutes from done!)

9:55 - Whoa. Major cheating going on in Paradise... oh and Charla didn't get any... again... Okay, what is Dave suddenly so mad about? What did Alex say to him to make him so pissed? Stupid (beep) FOX with the stupid (beep) censors! (Beep!)

9:59 - The Return of Rob... will be next week... great...

10:00 - Who Wants to marry my dad?! OMG, I love this show! Like I seriously love this family... okay, well maybe just Heidi... any chance they'll have Who Wants to marry my daughter?

10:05 - I hate Christy. She's so fake! And you just can practically see her face-lift falling off... and her boobs falling out...

10:25 - Ooo... both Christy and Christena pass the lie-detector tests! Whatever, the NBC editing team just made it seem like that so we wouldn't know who has the "edge"

10:50 - WTF?!! (beeeeeeeeeeep!!!!) Why did they pick Christy! Shut up with all these nice things you're saying about her! She doesn't deserve to win!

10:51 - wait... ooo diss! Christy you sucka!!! (Recap: Heidi's like "We think you're such a great person and would make a great mother and wife... which is why we're so sorry to tell you we didn't pick you to marry our dad..") Yes! Yes! Shoot, I seriously need to get a life...

10:52 - Christena looks like a perfect wife for this family. And a good mother. And a good choice for the Darva Conger award for shortest reality TV marriage. But I don't care. She deserves to win the compet-, er.. marry the dad...

10:55 - Everyone's crying. Even the sons. I'm crying... I'm such a loser.... Heidi is crying... I cry because I'll never see her again once this show is over...

11:00 - The reality-tv night is over. The "Who wants to marry daddy?" show is over. Heidi is out of my Monday night life forever... Life? What life? I am such a loser.

11:01 - Elimadate anyone?
posted by Tim at 9:59 AM